i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
