Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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