Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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