i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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