This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
