I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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