awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
