I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
