I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
