I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
