I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
