dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize