At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
