last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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