you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
