You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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