Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
