By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
