Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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