can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize