genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize