So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
