we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
