I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
honey bunches of taint.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize