Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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