So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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