i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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