I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
