frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
