I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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