so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
