3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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