dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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