i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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