omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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