i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
