You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
