went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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