She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
