Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
