i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
