She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
