wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We left the knife in your bed.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
