can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
