The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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