using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
