My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
