then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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