So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
