fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
