We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
