SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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