two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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