dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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