I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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