My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
