Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
