we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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