I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
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will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"