The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
