Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!