this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him