I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.