Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.