how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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