I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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